What does FUTURE YOU want?

Earlier I was watching yet another youtube video... of someone cleaning their house... while mine is still a mess... and I'm not doing anything about it. The youtuber mentioned a motto that she was telling herself to get herself to do all her own cleaning:

"Laundry today or Naked tomorrow?" -Kathryn / Do It On a Dime

This struck a chord deep within me! This is my problem and probably many other moms' too!

You hear about delayed gratification and about not procrastinating... but I got motivated by the thought of pleasing FUTURE ME rather than just not pleasing myself!

I have had lots of times that I wish PAST ME would have done this or that or at least started it because I'd be so much further along now if she had... well, TODAY ME is the PAST ME for my FUTURE ME! I actually have the ability to make PAST ME do what I want!

Thinking of pleasing FUTURE ME is so much more motivating than "This is good for me" or even "I want to teach my kids to do this".
So armed with this knowledge:

What would make FUTURE ME happy?

• Doing these dishes instead of leaving them here another day?
• Soaking some dishes even if I don't actually wash them so it's easier tomorrow?
• Putting this random little thing away?
• Setting out baskets at the stairs for easily transporting things that go somewhere else (like I've been meaning to do for months)?
• Setting out dishes for dinner even though it's not for a couple hours still?
• Oh, yeah, and mastering a second language like I've always wanted to do!
• Stopping a bad habit, so FUTURE ME doesn't have to deal with it!

I really ran down this rabbit hole and realized that there's actual multiple FUTURE MEs... For one of them, I would bake a whole lot more often... so I can eat most of those baked goods of course! For another in a more distant future, I would not bake more because the results of all that dessert aren't so good.

I also realized that pleasing FUTURE ME does not mean I have to be busy being productive all the time either... FUTURE ME will appreciate if I get good sleep tonight and spend quality time with friends and family, because we will be even closer later. FUTURE ME will also benefit from TODAY ME taking breaks and enjoying a movie or game night now and then. That's where the key is!

FUTURE ME cares a lot more about balance than TODAY ME does. 

I struggle with extremes: one day, I am super motivated and do all the things and completely wear myself out and the next day, I pat myself on the back for being so productive before and feel I deserve to veg... all day!

Anyway, hopefully this was helpful and stated clearly... I have been thinking about this most of the day and I am so excited about this concept that I had to share it!
-> Now go do something that will make FUTURE YOU proud!

Open Letter to my Baby

Dear Little One,

The internet is full of all these "open letters" right now... It's kind of an interesting concept where someone writes a letter to someone but shares it with the whole world. It's so like our culture to not be able to write a letter to just one person; we want the whole world to know that we did and validate our points. Anyway, this isn't a rant about open letters... quite the contrary clearly since I'm writing one!

I'm so sorry that I tend to ignore you except when you are making me feel uncomfortable. Even though that attention is becoming more frequent as you grow and explore, I still feel like this is a bad precedent for once you are out of the womb. Believe me when I say that one of the things I least want to do is only give you attention when you are misbehaving!

Your dad does such a great job talking to you and saying sweet things in a sweet voice while I just moan and complain when you're in a weird position or you're moving a ton when I want to sleep. Before you were moving this much, I was trying to learn some lullabies and sing them for you so you'd recognize them after birth. Now it's an accomplishment if I say anything nice to you or sing for you at all.

Please forgive me and know that this is not what I want for our relationship! Please understand that your mom is new to this. I've never had a child before; I've never been pregnant and had all these changes; I've never feared a relationship with someone more than I do with you. I don't want to mess this up. I want to do this job perfectly. BUT I know that I will mess and I will have to apologize often.

I fear taking care of an infant: you are so fragile and new... and impressionable. I recognize the great responsibility and fear it! I fear hurting you or giving you something before you're ready. I fear that I might unknowingly or accidentally encourage you in ways I do not intend: slurred speak, bad grammar, awkward walking, etc. I want you to grow up healthy, strong, brave, cautious, aware, curious, confident, eager, excitable, thoughtful, sensitive, respectful, creative, and God-fearing... but I don't know how to help you.

((GOD, please help me! ...and help my husband and all those around us who will guide and advise us! ...and help my baby!))

I love you already. Try to remember that, as I try to show it.

Love,
Your adoring mom

Open Doors

Preface: I must explain that the content here has not been spurred by current events. I thought of this years ago and someone made a comment recently about God opening doors that reminded me of my new way of thinking about open doors and that metaphor. I hope you enjoy even if you do not agree or use it.

"God will open another door for you" 

"When God closes a door, He opens a window"

These are common sayings in Christian circles. I'm sure there are secular equivalents about doors closing and others opening. But I think all of them are inadequate and a misrepresentation of real life and the way opportunities really work. I also think it portrays God in an improper light, against His true character. Let me explain.

Taking this metaphor extremely literally (mostly because I am extremely literal but also because that's where these things affect our views), when an opportunity arises, you see an open door. When you consider or decide to try out the opportunity and it works out, you walk through. When you  consider or decide to try out the opportunity and it isn't a good fit or things don't work out, the door closes.

Or at least that's how other people see it...

To me in this metaphor, trying out the opportunity or looking into it would be walking up to the door and trying to walk through. If it doesn't work, the door is slammed in your FACE! That's not the God I know and that's an awful way of looking at opportunities: it either works or UTTERLY FAILS and SLAMS in your FACE!

Here's an alternative to this metaphor that I believe makes more sense and doesn't break your nose:

• An opportunity arises: you notice a door. It might be a dark hallway and a light reveals a doorway you did not see before.
• You look into it, consider it, try it out: you look at the door, see if there's anything you tell about it from this side, then you try the handle.
• If it seems right at first but suddenly ends: the handle turned but the bolt kept the door locked and shut.
• If it is not right: the door is locked and handle will not even turn.
• If this is a good opportunity: the handle turns and depending on the situation, it may require a little pushing, but the door opens.

In this metaphor, there are many nuances that I believe are significant. The original idea hit me all at once and then the nuances came to me with some time after that. With each nuance forming, I have felt more and more confident in this metaphor. I hope it can help others think of their situations in a more positive light.

Anyway, here are some of the advantages in my opinion of this modified metaphor.

REVEALING and CONSIDERING an opportunity
In real life when an opportunity arises, you can't see everything about it at a quick glance, as if the door is hanging wide open. You may see the door down the hallway but ignore it because you do not want to try it. That choice is up to you, but you do not know everything before you even try it. Also what about those times when you feel like you have no options? If a door is hanging wide open, you'd think you'd see it, right? But what about if you're facing the wrong direction because you keep messing with the same door handle... or maybe you haven't walked down to the hallway enough to see that light shining on the door.

TRYING an opportunity
There has to be some sort of trying; it won't just fall in your lap (to borrow from another saying). When the door is open already, there is little effort that you put it in and you'd naturally expect it to stay open. When you turn a handle, you really don't know what will happen but you are putting in effort to see if this could work. Also you know how some doors stick and you might originally think it's locked until you give it an extra shove. Sometimes we give up early because we think it's too much work or that God is "closing that door."

WRONG opportunities
I must acknowledge that sometimes we try to force something when we know it is not right. Some might think that my metaphor does not allow for this situation, but this is when we try to pick the lock, kick down the locked door, or even break the proverbial window.
My final problem with the door being open already that I will address here is that it seems that the opportunity is open and available rather than just being noticed or realized. If the door closes, it's like God changed His mind or worse He is having a good laugh at your expense. This is not my God.


Again I hope you enjoyed thinking through this with me. Even you continue to talk about open doors and closing doors, I pray that this has shed some light on how the old metaphor can lead to misconceptions about what God is doing in your life.
Remember the Lord, like Aslan, is not tame but He is indeed good.

Spreading the Weirdness EVEN MORE!

So last time I talked about spreading weirdness to my campers as well as to my boyfriend. Now I've been spreading it to his mother! Every time I am around her she is impacted and acts really weird. (Keep in mind that I am using the word weird in the positive, standing out from the crowd, fun-crazy sort of way.) She has been apologizing for this saying, "I don't know what you do to me, but I act crazy whenever you're around! After you leave, I think, 'What came over me? Why did I act like that?' You just make me feel comfortable and act crazy!" My boyfriend pointed out that her craziness is definitely weirdness! :) ...and that I'm spreading the weirdness to her as well. This does not mean she is not weird on her own, rather that I bring out the full extent by being in her presence and of course being myself! Others have seen her act this crazy/weird in the past, but it is a consistent attitude and behavior when I'm there. I love it! I love having that kind of impact on someone! :: Allowing them to feel comfortable enough to be free, crazy, and especially weird! ::

Spreading the Weirdness

This summer I returned to camp as a camp counselor again. It was an amazing experience. God truly worked; Satan was at work as well which was quite evident, but we did prevail through the Lord's strength! My campers were a great group of ladies this year and I love them dearly. They are a very unique bunch! :)

One night I shared with them about how I LOVE being called weird and told them the whole story behind it and explained that Weird is one of the biggest compliments one could give me! The girls thought it was a great story which explained so much about me. Later they called me weird intentionally as a compliment and I was so touched; they even started using it on each other.... So now the weirdness has spread around the world as my camperinos live out their crazy wonderful lives! :D I miss them so much and am so proud of them as they seek after Christ and His call in their lives.

Now I started a new relationship with a wonderful man of God. When he talked to my dad to ask for his blessing on our relationship, Dad recounted the story of telling me I'm a Weird Welch and of people being upset when I thanked them for the compliment. My boyfriend loved the story! It's great to be surrounded by people who love me for being me, even and especially in my weirdness! <3

Idiot!

Do you ever have trouble making a decision . . .
and then once you've finally decided and taken action . . .
realized it was the WRONG choice . . .
and in that moment it's *crystal* clear????????

 

This seems to be the most sure-fire way for me to determine the right decision!

Whether you have experienced this or not, we're gonna talk about it.

 

 

 

For those of you who do not have to endure this suffering, let me explain:

Something happens that really bothers me. For the sake of explanation, let's say someone said that they actually hated my spinach puffs which I take such pride in.

 

The rest of the day I debate how to respond to this person. Do I lash out and say "How dare you pretend all this time"? Do I ignore them and never speak to them again? Do I ask if they have any suggestions for my recipe? I think back to all the times they said they loved my spinach puffs, and try to understand what this person was trying to do to me, all the possible interpretations of their actions... Anyway, this takes up all my thoughts because it bothered me so deeply.

 

Finally, I decide to place a huge pile of spinach puffs before them just to spite them and irritate them the way they irritated me, BUT once I pass the point of no return, I realize that this person is allergic to spinach. That's why they were being so polite in pretending. When they did lash out at me, they had finally become fed up with the fact that I kept trying to make them eat it!

 

Unfortunately, I already put the allergic trigger before the person and made them start swelling up, coughing, and breaking out.

 

Q&A

I just re-read all of my posts on this blog (didn't take long; there are only 4!), and decided that I should post about the answers God has already provided since I last blogged. Here goes:

JOB
Yes, I got job offers and the Lord guided me in my decision which I now thank Him for continuously! I had two Skype interviews, followed by two job offers. Both jobs had things that I liked about it, and both had some disadvantages. It was a really tough call. I asked TONS of people for advice. Being at a camp with lots of people from my field and with more experience than me was an amazing resource for information and advice. Unfortunatley, it got to the point that I had too many opinions, too many stories, and too much going on that I could not discern what God was telling me. Finally, I took a break from all the noise, prayed like crazy, researched, pondered, and prayed some more. I called in my responses to the two school systems. I ended up accepting a job at a private school in my hometown (meaning I get to live at home still!).

I have met tons of students and pray that I have been a good influence on them. I know they are learning a lot. Our first Christmas concert is coming up, which is making me nervous as well as my beginner students. It's their first instrumental concert EVER after all!

FRIENDS
Along with meeting all the students, I have been meeting plenty of new people at church. This has been great! I love getting to know new people! This new network of friends has been such a blessing... and it's been great to have friends in the area after so many college friends travelled away from here.

As for my "old" friends, some of us are keeping in touch. It's a very small number (besides the "facebook friends") but that's ok, because we are creating tighter-knit friendships that way. It's also easy to sacrifice time for a few friends than a whole heapload. That just eats up all your time. I used to prefer having tons of friends, but I've realized that it's just not practical, and I didn't know any of them very well.

Well, I still have plenty of unanswered questions for God to make clear, but I look forward to the journey He has before me!