Dear Little One,
The internet is full of all these "open letters" right now... It's kind of an interesting concept where someone writes a letter to someone but shares it with the whole world. It's so like our culture to not be able to write a letter to just one person; we want the whole world to know that we did and validate our points. Anyway, this isn't a rant about open letters... quite the contrary clearly since I'm writing one!
I'm so sorry that I tend to ignore you except when you are making me feel uncomfortable. Even though that attention is becoming more frequent as you grow and explore, I still feel like this is a bad precedent for once you are out of the womb. Believe me when I say that one of the things I least want to do is only give you attention when you are misbehaving!
Your dad does such a great job talking to you and saying sweet things in a sweet voice while I just moan and complain when you're in a weird position or you're moving a ton when I want to sleep. Before you were moving this much, I was trying to learn some lullabies and sing them for you so you'd recognize them after birth. Now it's an accomplishment if I say anything nice to you or sing for you at all.
Please forgive me and know that this is not what I want for our relationship! Please understand that your mom is new to this. I've never had a child before; I've never been pregnant and had all these changes; I've never feared a relationship with someone more than I do with you. I don't want to mess this up. I want to do this job perfectly. BUT I know that I will mess and I will have to apologize often.
I fear taking care of an infant: you are so fragile and new... and impressionable. I recognize the great responsibility and fear it! I fear hurting you or giving you something before you're ready. I fear that I might unknowingly or accidentally encourage you in ways I do not intend: slurred speak, bad grammar, awkward walking, etc. I want you to grow up healthy, strong, brave, cautious, aware, curious, confident, eager, excitable, thoughtful, sensitive, respectful, creative, and God-fearing... but I don't know how to help you.
((GOD, please help me! ...and help my husband and all those around us who will guide and advise us! ...and help my baby!))
I love you already. Try to remember that, as I try to show it.
Love,
Your adoring mom
Baby Countdown
Showing posts with label pray. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pray. Show all posts
November 4, 2015
July 10, 2012
news.
New group of girls. (except for three who are staying from last week)
LOTS of new campers.
Fatigue for counselors and campers who are staying.
Financial dilemmas for the camp.
Job interviews.
As you can see, there is a lot going on up here at camp!
I am slightly overwhelmed by it all, but doing my best to trust Him with it all. There's no way I can do much of anything about most of the things on this list. Waiting to hear back from one interview, having another this week... Learning lots of new names, faces, and personalities. Trying to balance sleep and work, and help the campers do the same so that they do not get sick or miss out on anything.
Devotions were good last night with the new girls. They opened up much more readily, which was great! Now I'm really bonding with the girls who I have had for a couple weeks, and that is super exciting! I love my seraphim so much and will miss them like crazy. Of course I miss those who have already left.
Please pray for the camp as we are trying to figure out how to balance the finances. It's pretty tough right now... but trusting the One, Who it is all for, will provide and work it all out!
LOTS of new campers.
Fatigue for counselors and campers who are staying.
Financial dilemmas for the camp.
Job interviews.
As you can see, there is a lot going on up here at camp!
I am slightly overwhelmed by it all, but doing my best to trust Him with it all. There's no way I can do much of anything about most of the things on this list. Waiting to hear back from one interview, having another this week... Learning lots of new names, faces, and personalities. Trying to balance sleep and work, and help the campers do the same so that they do not get sick or miss out on anything.
Devotions were good last night with the new girls. They opened up much more readily, which was great! Now I'm really bonding with the girls who I have had for a couple weeks, and that is super exciting! I love my seraphim so much and will miss them like crazy. Of course I miss those who have already left.
Please pray for the camp as we are trying to figure out how to balance the finances. It's pretty tough right now... but trusting the One, Who it is all for, will provide and work it all out!
July 3, 2012
Seeing Reality
So... in this part of my life, I am a camp counselor. With that comes a lot of responsibility, including devotions before bed each night. Last week devos centered around our tribe name and verse(s): Seraphim (meaning fiery ones) from Isaiah 6:3 (and Numbers 21:9). It was a great study. The girls did not open up much even to answer simple questions like "What did the seraphim do in this passage?" At the end of the week, some of the girls referenced things from devos in a different context- and referenced it excitedly. This was proof enough for me that it really touched and impacted them! I was so excited!
This week I have no new campers, which means the girls already know each other. I hoped this would help them open up more... The topic which I decided on for this week was another reason to be excited. I told a couple of the campers how excited I was. Then devos came. I gave the girls some time to reflect and write down how they view themselves- not how they think others see them, or what they want to be, or what they know they should think. After that, we briefly talked about how the negative views of ourselves stem from lies, and that we need to dwell on truths about God to counteract these deep-seated lies.
After I closed us in prayer and the girls started to prepare for bed, I recognized that at least one girl (called GirlA for now) was very pensive and seemed upset. I feared that I had done something horribly wrong in picking the topic. I do not want the girls to "beat themselves up" because of devos. Instead I hope they trust the Lord to help them break free of their wrong perceptions. I did consider that it could have been conviction from the Lord- and I pray that it was! Earlier today I spoke with another camper (called GirlB) about how I was concerned that the girls may be upset with me about the devo topic. She admitted to me that she was mad at me last night after devos. She was first mad at herself for having those thoughts, and mad at me for making her think about, and especially writing it down. GirlB asked me if she could burn or throw away the paper. I explained the entire week's devotion plan to try to encourage her about the direction of the study. It helped. Finally, we decided to seal her paper in an envelope for her to revisit later in her life for her to reflect on how she has grown and what the Lord has done in her life.
In devos tonight, we basically talked about Truth... jumped around the Bible looking at various passages and verses about truth, lies, and temptation. The girls were interacting, reading from the Word, answering questions, and discussing with each other! (All but GirlA... which still concerns me, because she wouldn't talk to me after devos tonight) GirlB assured me that she was not mad at me tonight, that it was much better than last night! I do believe that my girls (except maybe GirlA) gained and grew from devos tonight! If you could pray for GirlA, that she is not being attacked by Satan right now, but being convicted by God, that would be greatly appreciated! Please pray for GirlB and the others, that they will apply the truths to their lives and take them to heart so they can use them when the time comes!
This week I have no new campers, which means the girls already know each other. I hoped this would help them open up more... The topic which I decided on for this week was another reason to be excited. I told a couple of the campers how excited I was. Then devos came. I gave the girls some time to reflect and write down how they view themselves- not how they think others see them, or what they want to be, or what they know they should think. After that, we briefly talked about how the negative views of ourselves stem from lies, and that we need to dwell on truths about God to counteract these deep-seated lies.
After I closed us in prayer and the girls started to prepare for bed, I recognized that at least one girl (called GirlA for now) was very pensive and seemed upset. I feared that I had done something horribly wrong in picking the topic. I do not want the girls to "beat themselves up" because of devos. Instead I hope they trust the Lord to help them break free of their wrong perceptions. I did consider that it could have been conviction from the Lord- and I pray that it was! Earlier today I spoke with another camper (called GirlB) about how I was concerned that the girls may be upset with me about the devo topic. She admitted to me that she was mad at me last night after devos. She was first mad at herself for having those thoughts, and mad at me for making her think about, and especially writing it down. GirlB asked me if she could burn or throw away the paper. I explained the entire week's devotion plan to try to encourage her about the direction of the study. It helped. Finally, we decided to seal her paper in an envelope for her to revisit later in her life for her to reflect on how she has grown and what the Lord has done in her life.
In devos tonight, we basically talked about Truth... jumped around the Bible looking at various passages and verses about truth, lies, and temptation. The girls were interacting, reading from the Word, answering questions, and discussing with each other! (All but GirlA... which still concerns me, because she wouldn't talk to me after devos tonight) GirlB assured me that she was not mad at me tonight, that it was much better than last night! I do believe that my girls (except maybe GirlA) gained and grew from devos tonight! If you could pray for GirlA, that she is not being attacked by Satan right now, but being convicted by God, that would be greatly appreciated! Please pray for GirlB and the others, that they will apply the truths to their lives and take them to heart so they can use them when the time comes!
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