Dear Little One,
The internet is full of all these "open letters" right now... It's kind of an interesting concept where someone writes a letter to someone but shares it with the whole world. It's so like our culture to not be able to write a letter to just one person; we want the whole world to know that we did and validate our points. Anyway, this isn't a rant about open letters... quite the contrary clearly since I'm writing one!
I'm so sorry that I tend to ignore you except when you are making me feel uncomfortable. Even though that attention is becoming more frequent as you grow and explore, I still feel like this is a bad precedent for once you are out of the womb. Believe me when I say that one of the things I least want to do is only give you attention when you are misbehaving!
Your dad does such a great job talking to you and saying sweet things in a sweet voice while I just moan and complain when you're in a weird position or you're moving a ton when I want to sleep. Before you were moving this much, I was trying to learn some lullabies and sing them for you so you'd recognize them after birth. Now it's an accomplishment if I say anything nice to you or sing for you at all.
Please forgive me and know that this is not what I want for our relationship! Please understand that your mom is new to this. I've never had a child before; I've never been pregnant and had all these changes; I've never feared a relationship with someone more than I do with you. I don't want to mess this up. I want to do this job perfectly. BUT I know that I will mess and I will have to apologize often.
I fear taking care of an infant: you are so fragile and new... and impressionable. I recognize the great responsibility and fear it! I fear hurting you or giving you something before you're ready. I fear that I might unknowingly or accidentally encourage you in ways I do not intend: slurred speak, bad grammar, awkward walking, etc. I want you to grow up healthy, strong, brave, cautious, aware, curious, confident, eager, excitable, thoughtful, sensitive, respectful, creative, and God-fearing... but I don't know how to help you.
((GOD, please help me! ...and help my husband and all those around us who will guide and advise us! ...and help my baby!))
I love you already. Try to remember that, as I try to show it.
Love,
Your adoring mom